1/27/2006 - Brad writes:
A while back, while living with 3 other friends, we had a particularly ridiculous talk with the Psychic Friends Network. At the time, only one of us had a running car, so that room mate was a 'taxi' of sorts to the other 3 of us. One day, I had a doctors appointment, another room mate had to get to college, and the room mate with the car had to go to work. The only problem, we could not find the car keys. All 4 of us (and two other friends that had stopped by) tore the house apart from top to bottom looking for the keys. After a good 45 minutes of panic and worry, one room mate suggested, "Lets call the Psychic Friends Network! Maybe they could tell us where the keys are." The rest of us laughed, but after she insisted (even begged) for nearly 5 minutes, we let her call. I and two of the other friends sat and listened on the phone extensions, hoping for a good laugh. The first several minutes, the 'free' time, was used up by a long winded, poorly pronounced recorded message extolling the rewards of calling to "Find wealth and riches, locate your lost love, discover true happiness and the person you really are". After a nearly 6 minutes, we were finally handed off to what seemed to be nothing more than a Customer Service Representative in a call center- we could hear numerous other people talking in the background, a lot of the snippets we could hear didnt seem to involve psychics- we overheard political surveys, people selling diet aids, and more. Anyway, the man who took our call said he was a 'licensed, trained and certified psychic counselor and advisor' He started into this spiel about past lives, true love and other crap, but my friend stopped him mid sentence- she demanded to know where our missing car keys were. The 'psychic' had her tell him details about herself, all us room mates, then details about the house and property. He even went so far as to inquire about all our jobs, daily life, and lifestyles, presumably trying to get an idea of where we could have left the keys. A couple times, the 'psychic' started to babble, it was supposed to be 'speaking in tongues' I guess. He claimed to be 'reading the cards' yet we could hear him typing the whole time we were on the call. He first told us to look under the couch for the missing keys. Then he suggested the bedrooms. He said look in the car. Check the living room. Did someone look in the bathroom? He asked. He even suggested checking the laundry room and dirty clothes baskets. When all these turned up nothing, he started suggesting other odd, unusual, even bizarre places to look- under the room mates mattress, under the TV, in the bathtub and toilet bowl, in the oven, and in the freezer. He even suggested someone keep an eye on our dog for the next 4 days, in case he ate the keys. Every time the 'psychic' suggested a place, our room mate would yell it out, and one of the rest of us would run to check that place. The one room mate with the car, the boyfriend of the gal on the phone with the psychic, started getting madder and madder with every wrong suggestion. He finally started shouting about the psychic being a fraud, which I guess the 'psychic' over heard, so he finally said "Well, I dont know what to tell you, but just keep looking. You are bound to find them sooner or later, they have to be somewhere." He then proceeded to try and keep the room mate on the phone and do 'readings' for her involving her 'magic numbers', 'past lives', and purpose in life. The boyfriend finally got so mad he grabbed the phone, called the psychic names I shouldnt repeat, and then hung up. All in all, this 'psychic' wasted almost 25 minutes on the phone, only to give us suggestions and ideas that any of us could have gotten from the average 8 year old or our mothers. As for the billing charges, our phone was billed 28 minutes at $5.99 a minute, not the $1.99/$2.49 the infomercials advertise. $167.72 was the charge on the following months phone bill. We called the phone company and disputed it, they removed the charge but put a 900 number call block on our phone (which was fine with me). Anyone thinking of calling a psychic for advice would be much better off just going to see a counselor or clergyman. These so called 'psychics' are nothing more than a bunch of poorly trained first year psychology students working in a telemarketing call center. As for the missing keys, we found them in the one place the 'psychic' did not suggest: about four hours later in day, we found them in the kitchen trash can. Evidently, the night before, the room mate with the car had set his keys on the kitchen counter. When one of us went to fix something to eat, the keys got knocked off the counter into the trash can.